Thursday, October 06, 2005

sex and the city

Sex and the City
Theresa just mentioned "Sex and the City" in one of her comments. I was just thinking about a post on this topic yesterday morning. Now, I love/d this show (yes, they are not making new episodes, but I still enjoy the old ones). I remember the day my girlfriend N was outraged because the writers stole her theory that guys who aren't really good looking are best at performing oral sex because they have to try harder. And yes, for the record, it was N's idea; she came up with it in college in 1990.

But I do have some problems with it. First of all, I believe the entire show is based on the premise that four women are going to start living their relationship lives "the way men do." This implies that men have it right, when EVERYONE with a vagina knows this is simply not true. I think that the "right" way is a blend between the way men are known for living and the way women are known for living.

Secondly, Candace Bushnell has a tendency to formulate her women in the molds of various stereotypes. I haven't read the Sex and the City book/s but I have read her stories in Four Blondes. Giving her the benefit of the doubt, she really CAN'T get into much depth, and she is not out to create a deep psychological profile of her characters. But how many times do you think a group of women have sat around debating which character they're most like? Myself, I think I'm a little Carrie and a little Samantha, but totally me. Yes, I know this argument about depth of characters can carry over into the study of a million different books/movies/shows, but I think it's significant, because this is one of the first examples we have seen where women are portrayed as intelligent, perceptive sexual beings with no regrets as to how they live their lives.

What I like most about the show, though, is NOT the way the four main characters relate to the men in their lives, but how they relate to each other. I think every woman should have a contingent of girlfriends like this, and, men or no men, it's what I feel lacking most in my own life. I've been a sexual being since I hit puberty. While it somehow drew boys/men to me, it also alienated girls/women who would see me as a threat and spitefully label me. With the exception of A, I never really made girlfriends until I pledged a sorority in college. Yet I still go through life feeling that women are predisposed against me because of the way I dress, or the way I boldly make eye contact, or the way they see me flirting with my man in public. A has a drop dead body and a flirtatious smile, but also the uncanny ability to draw women to align with her rather than against her. She's given me tips for this (it's NOT accidental) but I'm just not as good at it as she is.

One of my main missions for the next year is to find my Charlotte and Miranda and Carrie and Samantha, and form our own little club for those times when we're angry at ourselves for the knot of hope we feel in our throats when the phone rings on a Friday afternoon. They are women who can laugh at themselves, who want to feel that contentment of a quality romantic relationship but who don't think less of themselves if they don't have it, who see other vibrant, healthy sexual women as resources and compatriots rather than jealous enemies. They are women who will take a girls-only vacation for the fun that you can have on such a trip rather than an excuse to meet men and show off their big tits. They'll be women who will be a phone call away my whole life, regardless of the men who come and go.

I just don't think any woman can have enough friends like this.